Well happy birthday to you - not

Let this be a warning: If you do something stupid or insensitive, expect someone to ruthlessly write about it if it’s warranted. Trust me, it usually is.

Today I was working away like the steadfast employee that I am [insert sarcasm] when I glanced at my phone to see my brother Luke calling. In the five seconds it took for me to answer the phone I was trying to figure out why in the world he would be calling me on a Thursday afternoon (after all, band practice isn’t until Saturday).

I was immediately suspicious when the first word out of his mouth was an overly-friendly “Hey!” instead of his usual obnoxious greeting “Wazzzzzzzzz-uuuuuuuuuuup!” My suspicion turned into intrigue and a tinge of worry when he followed his “Hey!” greeting with, “I have a dilemma.”

First of all, since when does Luke call me with any dilemma? Second, when am I ever trusted to give wise or rational advice?

I couldn’t see Luke, but I could hear him fidgeting on the other end of the phone line. I could also hear his reluctance to explain his “dilemma.”

So, pray tell, what was this big dilemma? Problems in honeymoon la-la land? Of course not. Trouble with acing that big exam like his sis? Nope. Or is there trouble in paradise with his little brother/BFF? Sort of.

Luke’s dilemma did have something to do with Dale, but not in the way you might expect. They weren’t fighting over who's the greatest Halo champion of them all. Luke just wanted me to help pay for a birthday gift for Dale. Since our mother is hosting a birthday party for Dale tomorrow Luke wanted to get something spectacular for his special sibling — who apparently isn’t me by the way. Did I forget to mention that this birthday party for Dale is also for me, my sister-in-law and our dear grandmother?

So there's his dilemma. Luke just wanted my help in purchasing a gift for Dale’s birthday while readily admitting he wasn’t getting me, or anyone else, a gift. In addition, he needed my help to buy Dale this $60 gift. Wow.

Luke asked for my opinion. I’m sure the rational, selfless person would have responded with a hearty “yes.” I, on the other hand, gave Luke a verbal lashing for having the gall to ask for my help when I just had a birthday too. Realizing the absurdity of his request Luke immediately began giggling.

Now I don’t really care that Luke didn’t want to buy me a gift, but I do care that he blatantly showed favoritism. He must not remember the good ol’ days when we’d ditch Dale to play with the “cool” kids.

So unfortunately little Dale won’t be getting a gift from his beloved Luke, but then again, neither will the rest of us.