If you're hotter than a pistol...

I don’t mean to come off as “high and mighty,” but I usually don’t swear. But there are always those times when a swear word seems to be the only way to truly describe how you’re feeling. These are one of those times.

This isn’t a gossip hub. Chris and I are great and all my friends are speaking with me (I think). This is just one of those wonderful work incidents where you have to deal with hostile and paranoid maniacs impolite people. I got in a passive-aggressive battle via email today. I was the bigger person in the end, but as my dad would say, I still feel hotter than a pistol.

Now most people who know me would agree it usually doesn’t take much to, well, piss me off (sorry mom!). But there are those rare instances when I have reasonable grounds for being agitated, disheartened or enraged. Does the Clarion circa 2009-2010 ring a bell, anyone? It should for some people Marie, Jaclyn, Noah, Calvin, Jason who shall not be named.

Wow, tangent. Anyways…

So how do you stay calm when all you want to do is reach through your email and throttle the person on the other side? Give these a shot:

Heap on the coals. Even though your first instinct may be to maim your “enemy” — do the opposite. Some may take this approach to be the better person, but if you’re more like me then you should know that nothing quite disgruntles and confuses a person more than unwarranted kindness. Plus, some guy once wrote that if you go the nice-route it’s like “heaping burning coals” on their head. Brilliant.

Laughter is the best medicine. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Actually, it is. Find something dependable to make you laugh. It could be a person, a memory, a YouTube video or those old family photos of your conservative parents looking like some major hippies. Laughter will take the edge off and will bring you one step closer to clearing your head.

Rehash. No, I’m not referencing Twitter or an acceptable form of gossip (Is there such a thing?). Talk through the situation with someone you can trust to give you sound advice in moving forward. This is especially important if you’re going to be sending some kind of documented response (written or emailed), in which case you’re going to want someone to read it before you send it. Trust me…

Think before you post. Especially on Facebook or Twitter. If you want to say “Urg, curse the $@#! world” — that’s fine. Just be ready for a swarm of public questions from people about what’s going on in your life lately, despite the fact you haven’t seen most of these people in five years. These people are often referred to as busybodies and gossipmongers caring individuals looking out for your best interest recently.

Carrots and celery sticks. Yeah right. Bring on the chocolate truffles, Laffy Taffys (remember you gotta laugh?) and chocolate chip ice cream. After the horrible day you’ve just had you’re going to want to relax and treat yourself. Literally. So do it already. Hide your running shoes and dig out those sweatpants!